Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
