Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
