You made me cry and you don't even care
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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