the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
