Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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