Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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