No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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