I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
