I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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