HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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