There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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