I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
