is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
