its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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