I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
