No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
