I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
