big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
