Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
