my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
