He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
