don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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