also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
