whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this beer tastes like vomit already
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
a search helicopter?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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