how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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