im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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