Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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