So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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