I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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