Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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