Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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