I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
