i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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