6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
