Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
