No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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