he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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