like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
