It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
