Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
