would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize