it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
