After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
