i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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