she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
