New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
