I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
