i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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