But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
