You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
