i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
