So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
