I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
