Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
