My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You pole danced in your parka.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize