nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.