How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.