i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!