Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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