im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
