Jerry, you need to find god
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
