I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
