My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
