I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
two words...techno handjob
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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