I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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