K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
